As a young girl, I remember my brother going to wrestling practices with my dad who was the coach. They started bringing me along and I would sit mat side and do cartwheels or other random things. When I was about 7 years old I asked my parents if I could try it out, which was something that seemed very taboo at the time. They figured that I would lose my first couple matches and quit. No one expected what would come next. I took first at virtually every tournament that year, becoming the “girl” that no one wanted to lose to.
Dads would tell their sons, “you have to try extra hard, you don’t want to lose to this girl.”
Boys would cry after they lost to me, losing to a girl was frowned upon. Now, how did this make me feel? Well, I liked making boys cry. But, at such a young age I felt what it was like to be excluded. I would overhear boys saying “you lost to a girl, wow you're such a wimp” and that took away from my validation as a wrestler. I felt that I had to prove my worth on the mat, while everyone else already had it.
The words I dreaded hearing from my coaches were “alright, everyone find a partner” because I knew that no one would want to be mine. I would wait until the coaches saw I didn't have one, and they would put me with someone. It was expected that the boys would roll their eyes, or sigh at the result of having a girl as their partner. I started to dread practice, and the feelings of exclusion became so strong. I would skip practice because I was too anxious to go through that again.
I remember wishing that I got to practice with girls, and it seemed like a dream to me. I wrestled on all-boys teams from 1st grade through my senior year of high school. When I got to college, it felt amazing to be on a team with girls. I am now able to focus on working hard in practice, instead of being judged. I feel supported by my team, and they understand me. When I was on all boys teams, it was very hard to connect with them. They didn’t understand the struggles of being a female in a male dominated sport. I have excelled at a rapid pace the last two years because I am able to focus on being the best wrestler possible.
There is also a physical side to practicing and wrestling with boys. The body composition of a male is obviously different from that of a female. It becomes very challenging for a female to work on technique when they are being over muscled by a male wrestler. I noticed that my technique grew significantly when I changed to college wrestling. I have become a completely different wrestler because of the more equal playing field created.
There has been an argument that there aren't enough numbers to create a girls division. Let me tell you, when you create opportunities the numbers will come with it. A couple teammates and I coach a newly started girls program (West Suburban Girls Wrestling), and in the first year we have 15+ girls. I also started a girls-only wrestling class at Askren Wrestling Academy. Many of the girls there said they had been wanting to try wrestling, but were intimidated by boys clubs.
Wrestling is virtually the only sport where girls compete against boys, It's about time that we change that.
I am very thankful that I went through those challenges so that I can help create opportunities for girls to wrestle girls. It is about time we get the recognition we deserve.